After I finished recording the show I gathered up my things to bring back in to the house when I noticed by looking through the back gate that my landlord was here and has begun painting on the house. All of a sudden I was struck with panic. I didn't think that he would be here until Tuesday. I told him what days my husband has off. So now he is here on my husband's day off.
We planned a shopping trip to get summer clothes for my son. I have no idea how long this man will be here. One thing is for sure is that it is much cooler today than it has been for the past week. We experienced a severe heat wave here in sunny California. Temperatures reached highs of 112 degrees. And all the while through the heat my landlord has been showing up to paint the house. At least on the really hot days he got here about 6:30 or 7 am so that he wouldn't have to endure such intense heat.
Hopefully he we leave at a decent time like say before noon. But because the weather is cooler this may not be the case. I refuse to leave where I have all of my belongings while he is here painting this house. I had this dream that I don't want to tell my son or my husband so as not to worry them. I had a dream that my landlord was trying to sell his home on ebay. I went out into the front yard and noticed that there were people looking at the house through their car.
I don't feel as though this should cause me to panic but it does. Whenever the landlord comes by I think of that dream. There is a part of me that is not convinced that this is a precognitive dream. The reason why I say this is because years ago when me, my husband, and son were renting a house downtown we had a landlord who was quite similar in how he communicated with his tenants. This guy that we rented from all these years ago put the house we lived in up for sale on ebay without telling us.
It was very humiliating at the time to find this out. There are so many people out there that have a nice income and own several homes. Some of these people decide to rent to out these homes in order to pay for the mortgage on these extra homes or to just generate an extra income. When it is all said and done there is no way that one person can care for more than one home all by their lonesome without beating the body to the ground. That is what my landlord is doing. And I have spent way more time being concerned about this matter than I want to be. I am s Mother, I am a Wife, I am an Artist. I am not a plumber or a landscaper. And these are all things that I have been learning more about through living with the ordeals, trials and tribulations that occur here.
If my current landlord would have just hired someone to paint the house for him the job could have been done within a day or two. Yet he is into penny pinching to the extreme even if it costs him his health. My husband is starting to panic too. And now today my landlord being here disrupts our family time. My husband works Tuesday thru Saturday. He has Sundays and Mondays off. The last thing he wants to here is the landlord making scraping noises and walking around all fast like he's pissed off all of the time.
This energy that he projects is truly toxic and I don't think that he even realizes what energy he is emitting. It is sad! Yet at the same time I am concentrating on staying focused on what I know I am suppose to be doing here. There are opportunities that come my way when I am not filled with so much anxiety.
So what do I do to get rid of this intense anxiety while my landlord is hanging around painting the entire house? When the landlord is here I play some relaxing chants which you can find on you tube. My favorite go to has been DHYAANGURU DR. NIPUN AGGARWAL. His youtube page has various types of chants and meditations to help rid your environment of toxic energies. Energy is real. And it can be intense or passive. Or in between. I like to dispel negative energy in any way that I can. I smoke some hashish and flower. I take my cannabis tincture too.
That is how intense situations like this can get when you have anxiety, and PTSD. I have found that a lot of people are saying that they have PTSD and don't even know what it truly means. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 2 or 3 yrs ago. I read about it before going to a psychologist to get diagnosed. I knew that is what I had before the psychologist prescribed me zoloft and told me I have PTSD. I never took the zoloft and I don't think that taking that synthetic drug would have been better than smoking a joint of some of the strongest Indica strain that I have.
I believe in natural plant healing. I don't believe in chemicals to treat conditions that have to healed and not just have a band aid put on them.
Thank you for stopping by my humble abode to hear how I deal with daily events in my life that can be downright stressful and truly trying of the patience.
Cannabis is a natural medicine and I am happy with how she has helped me in very challenging times here on planet Earth.
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